Ball Busting

The first time I kicked a boy in the nuts I was in elementary school and it was by accident.  I kicked him from behind when his legs were open.  I remember that I knew that I was supposed to feel bad about it but I didn't.  Seeing him shaking and convulsing on the ground seemed to happen in slow motion.  I realize now that it was because I got a high from it.  I liked kicking him in the nuts and seeing his violent painful reaction.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm unusually cruel and unemphatic, but I think everyone is they just hide it.  I can't help but wondering if thinking everyone is cruel is my  form of denial or evidence of my psychosis.

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